Fork in the road
A fork in the road is a metaphor, based on a literal expression, for a deciding moment in life or history. When the choice of presented options is required and once chosen, cannot be reversed.
This is the fork in the road that I faced, actually, I've faced it more than once. My career has pivoted a number of times.
I was going to be an opera singer. In the hindsight mirror I know I could have played it differently. I was not putting the extra work into it because I doubted myself, and I was definitely not putting myself out there. Despite the fact that I had people believing in me, I was not my biggest promoter. I lacked self-belief in becoming what I thought I was destined to be. I think I felt it was safer to be "just a singer". Then life happens but you still wonder if the "circumstances" were different how you would have played it differently.
Being at the crossroads the decisions you are facing may seem to come at you with a tail and malicious intent. That is the way it can feel like. You even try to fight what you deep inside know s the right choice for you.
Maybe the "little devil" sitting on your shoulder appears when you think you have it all figured out. At this point, it is your choice if you listen to it or not. If you start listening to this gremlin on your shoulder your fresh-squeezed decisions might evaporate and you go back to being stuck at the crossroads not know which direction/decision to take.
All you need to block this uninvited creature out, are mental EARPLUGS. What you can to do fight it is to acknowledge it, and then stop listening. That enables you to take the one courageous step you need towards your future of choice.
This detractor on your shoulder is NOT your friend even if it might feel like it sometimes.. I advise you to look elsewhere for friends and supporters.
Contacting a coach might be the right move. I'm here for you if you want help with brushing off those whispering gremlins from your shoulder.